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Date: Thu, 21 Feb 2008 16:41:22 -0500
Subject: [LeftWingRadicals] Damn right I'm a liberal
Damn right I'm a liberal
Dan Kurtzman, who keeps the political snark fires burning over at About.com, wrote a terrific piece for his recent book, How to Win a Fight with a Conservative. We present it here with the author's kind permission:
Liberal Manifesto
Liberals believe in clean air, diplomacy, stem cells, living wages, body armor for our troops, government accountability, and that exercising the right to dissent is the highest form of patriotism.
Liberals believe in reading actual books, going to war as a last resort, separating church and hate, and doing what Jesus would actually do, instead of lobbying for upper-class tax cuts and fantasizing about the apocalypse.
Liberals believe in civil rights, the right to privacy, and that evolution and global warming aren’t just theories but incontrovertible scientific facts.
Liberals believe there ought to be a constitutional amendment that (1) prohibits another Bush from ever occupying the White House, and (2) prevents George W. Bush from ever becoming baseball commissioner before he does to our national pastime what he did for America.
Liberals believe in rescuing people from flooded streets and rooftops, even if they’re too poor to vote Republican.
Liberals believe that supporting our troops means treating our wounded vets like the heroes they are, and not leaving them to languish in rat-infested military hospitals under the outsourced management of incompetent cronies who think they’re running a Taco Bell franchise.
Liberals believe in pheromones, sex ed, solar panels, voting paper trails, the common good, and that, no matter how fascinating a story it may be, a president should never sit around in a state of total paralysis reading "My Pet Goat" while America is under attack.
And above all, liberals believe that it’s time to come together as a country and put a collective boot in the ass of shameless conservative fearmongers, hate merchants, and scapegoaters who are sucking the freedom out of all our souls.
Laced up! Ready to go!
Cheers and Jeers starts in There's Moreville... [Swoosh!!] RIGHTNOW! [Gong!!]
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Cheers and Jeers for Thursday, February 21, 2008
Note: I keep trying to find words to describe John McCain's wife, Mrs. John McCain. And the only thing I can come up with is: Please don’t kill me.
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By the Numbers:
Days 'til the Sebago Lake Ice Fishing Derby and Winterfest: 1
Days 'til Bush and Cheney leave office: 333 (Ha Ha! Three butts mooning Bush!)
Number of pharmaceutical company sales reps in 1995: 35,000
Number of pharmaceutical company sales reps in 2007: Nearly 100,000
(Source: SmartMoney via The Week)
Projected percentage of U.S. population in 2050 who will be foreign-born: 19%
Foreign-born population in 1910: 15%
(Source: TIME)
Tonight's expected low temperature in Baghdad: 43°
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Your Thursday Molly Ivins Moment:
Bush, Cheney and Co. will continue to play the patriotic bully card just as long as you let them. I've said it before: War brings out the patriotic bullies. In World War I, they went around kicking dachshunds on the grounds that dachshunds were "German dogs." They did not, however, go around kicking German shepherds. The MINUTE someone impugns your patriotism for opposing this war, turn on them like a snarling dog and explain what loving your country really means. That, or you could just piss on them elegantly, as Rep. John Murtha did. Or eviscerate them with wit (look up Mark Twain on the war in the Philippines). Or point out the latest in the endless "string of bad news."
Do not sit there cowering and pretending the only way to win is as Republican-lite. If the Washington-based party can't get up and fight, we'll find someone who can.
---January, 2006
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