Friday, October 23, 2009

Headlines from Hell!

Flight Overshoots Airport by 150 Miles

Can you say WHOOOPS!!!!!!!!!!!! This is gonna be a GOOD ONE when the REAL story comes out...

Spike Lee Calls Tyler Perry Shows 'Coonery'

From the WHO GIVES A FUCK! file. And "Coonery"?!?!? WTF?!

Losing Elections Lowers Voter Testosterone

Uh oh, somebody better get John McHoover err McCAIN some MORE Viagra!

Man Arrested for Being Naked at Home

Here we go AGAIN...gee, WHY THE FUCK WAS THE WOMAN LOOKING IN IN THE FIRST PLACE?!?!?!

How are Tasers not outlawed?!

Big Data Miner is Watching You

YOU KNOW I MAKE YOU HORNY, CIA!!! DON'T LIE!!!

Musicians Seek Government's Torture Songlist

Trent Reznor is going to HIT THE FUCKING ROOF when he hears about this if not already.

Bailed-Out Execs Face Pay Cut

WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Audit: US Deserves Refund on Baghdad Embassy

And just WHO do y'all think is gonna puke up any money for THAT shit?!

Comedian Soupy Sales Dies

Now kids, I want you to go to mommy's purse and send me the GREEN paper!!! RIP Soup. I guess we know what Howard Stern's gonna be talking about Monday, huh?! I hope he replays when he cut Soup's piano wires!!!!!!!!!!!!! BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA~!!!!!

Newsday Will Charge $260/Year for Online News

OH HELL FUCK NO! Who the FUCK do you think is gonna puke up money FOR THAT?! I think it'd be easier to find some motherfucker to do the Iraq embassy refund deal!!! Can't wait for the headline "Newsday Now Back To FREE Online News"!!!!! I guess no one told them how much this idea BOMBED for the NY Times!!!

Night Stalker Tied to Girl's 1984 Slaying

How come someone put THAT together, but no one wants to even entertain the possibility that Ted Bundy more likely than not killed Adam Walsh?!

Girl Denied Insurance for Being Too Skinny

GODDAMN. Is there ANYTHING that isn't fucking considered a "pre-existing condition"?!?! Hey insurance companies: PRE-SUCK MY DICK, ASSHOLES!!!

Pickens: US Firms Entitled to Iraqi Oil

Oh REALLY?! How wouldja feel if Iraq said "Iraq firms entitled to US's Oil"??!?!?!

Microsoft Launches Windows 7

Oh yippy, another piece of crap program from Bill Gates...

Here Comes More Stimulus

I'm STILL fucking waiting!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Hate Crime Bill Expanded to Include Gays

Wonder if the RetardliKKKlans will try to filibusterer this, OH WAIT, y'all don't have the ability to filibusterer now!~!!! HA HA! Douche-nozzles!

Drudge Obsessed with Declining Dollar

Why does Matt Fudge hate America & want the terrorists to win?!

Grayson Launches Site for Uninsured Dead

Alan Grayson for President!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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