Headlines from Hell

STUDY: AS GAS PRICES GO UP, AUTO DEATHS DROP

Now THAT is truly a fucking SAD case of DUH...

42% OF AMERICANS HAVE TRIED POT

JUST freakin 42%?!

SNAKE HANDLING PASTOR ARRESTED

Damn...too bad it didn't bite his ass!!!

CHURCH CANCELS TEEN GUN GIVEAWAY

Now THIS is solid gold kids!!!

OKLAHOMA CITY -- An Oklahoma church canceled a controversial gun giveaway for teenagers at a weekend youth conference.
Windsor Hills Baptist had planned to give away a semiautomatic assault rifle until one of the event's organizers was unable to attend.
The church’s youth pastor, Bob Ross, said it’s a way of trying to encourage young people to attend the event. The church expected hundreds of teenagers from as far away as Canada.

"Now y'all kids am be don't have sex! Instead use this kalishnakoff ratatatatatat"!!!!!

“I don’t want people thinking ‘My goodness, we’re putting a weapon in the hand of somebody that doesn’t respect it who are then going to go out and kill,'” said Ross. “That’s not at all what we’re trying to do.”

Oh ok! Like an assult rifle is for deer hunting?! What the fuck, like deer have kevlar fur now?!
UR HUR! I RECOKON! WE DUN NEED TO UP GRADE FROM OUR .308's and .30-06's!

Friday evening, Ross said the gun giveaway had been canceled. Pastor emeritus Jim Vineyard, who ran the event, injured his foot and wouldn’t be able to attend. The gun giveaway was also removed from the church Web site. Ross said the church would give the gun away next year instead. He said the church spent $800 buying the gun for the promotion.

NOW IF Y'ALL DUN DON'T AM BE MIND, WE IS PASS COLLEKSHUN PLATE AROUND AND HOPEMALY WE CAN IS GET 800 BUCKS TO BUY AN AK FOR OUR SUMMER HO-DOWN! WE CALL IT WWJS: Who Would Jesus Shoot!