Headlines from Hell!

Stocks Close Above 10,000

SO?! Fuck Wall St.! How about some help to MAIN STREET?!!?

Morocco Launches $9 Billion Solar Energy Project

And FloriDUH can't do something like this?! Jesus Cristo, we're not call THE SUNSHINE STATE for nothing!

Inmates Save Guard in Florida Jail

I bet they're looking for some clemency!

Fiorina Launches Senate Bid vs. Boxer

Good luck! Barbara Boxer ain't gonna go quitely!

Dems Debate Course Following Elections

Here's a tip for Democrats to take to heart: START ACTING LIKE DEMOCRATS AND NOT REPUKE LITE! Democrats who run & govern as DEMOCRATS *WIN*. Dems who run as Repukes almost ALWAYS LOOSE. PLEASE get the fuck with it!

75% of Young Americans Unfit for Military Duty

Can you say OBESITY EPIDEMIC!? Well, at least that's 75% of today's kids who hopefully won't go to DIE for Corporate Wars.

AARP Endorses Health Reform Bill

As does the VAST MAJORITY OF AMERICANS!

Fox Contributor: I'm Tired of Hating President Obama

Then quit and go to work at MSNBC where you'll actually be WELCOMED!

Majority Leader: House Will Pass Health Bill

Y'ALL BETTER!!!

Congress Expands Homebuyer Tax Credit

Good idea! Think this would happen is we had McHoover & The Ho From Wasila?!

Fiddler Crabs Trade Protection for Sex

I'm not sure I want to know...

Ted Haggard Starts New Church

What's it called?! Closet Cases On Meth For Christ?!

Cons Plan More GOP Takedowns in 2010

And the purge of the last 4 or 5 GOP Moderates continues!

Atheists Turn Santa Against God

YES!!!!!!! THE WAR ON XMAS IS ON!!!

Sex Tape Prompts Miss California to Drop Suit

HYPOCRITE ALERT!

Flu Sickens 478,000 in Ukraine

One more place I WON'T be going on vacation...

Gay Partnerships Ahead in Washington

Attention gay people of Maine: NOW YA KNOW WHERE TO MOVE TO!

Female Officer Ended Fort Hood Rampage

Imagine that! Well, this one is for y'all sexists out there!