Don't forget the cloaking device...

OH MY GODS. 113 DEGREES IN DEATH VALLEY, A NEW APRIL RECORD!!! But there's NO global warming! JESUS CHRIST HELLO!!!!!!!!!!! It's APRIL! NOT JULY!!! When it's JULY, yeah, 113º is a NORMAL temperature. This is bad people, bad! Ask me why I'm at DEFCON 5! RED ALERT!!!!!!! SHEILS UP AND ARM ALL WEAPONS!!!!!!!!! Also, when there's a blizzard in goddamn Denver in April (imagine that! It nickname IS the FUCKING MILE HIGH city!) all the Cons go SEE THERE AM BE NO GLOBAL WARMING. Well, what the fuck about it being 113º NOW in Death Valley?! Or how Austrialia's desert has expanded, and on and on and on it goes, lovely stuff! I mean, as bad as Ft. Drum SUCKS HORSE BALLS, at least this isn't Alice Springs! I'd rather DIE than live there! Any place that looks like somewhere Bear Grylls or Survivorman might do a show at, NO THANKS!