We're Screwed: 11,000 Years' Worth of Climate Data Prove It

http://www.theatlantic.com/technology/archive/2013/03/were-screwed-11-000-years-worth-of-climate-data-prove-it/273870/

Don't forget the cloaking device...

OH MY GODS. 113 DEGREES IN DEATH VALLEY, A NEW APRIL RECORD!!! But there's NO global warming! JESUS CHRIST HELLO!!!!!!!!!!! It's APRIL! NOT JULY!!! When it's JULY, yeah, 113º is a NORMAL temperature. This is bad people, bad! Ask me why I'm at DEFCON 5! RED ALERT!!!!!!! SHEILS UP AND ARM ALL WEAPONS!!!!!!!!! Also, when there's a blizzard in goddamn Denver in April (imagine that! It nickname IS the FUCKING MILE HIGH city!) all the Cons go SEE THERE AM BE NO GLOBAL WARMING. Well, what the fuck about it being 113º NOW in Death Valley?! Or how Austrialia's desert has expanded, and on and on and on it goes, lovely stuff! I mean, as bad as Ft. Drum SUCKS HORSE BALLS, at least this isn't Alice Springs! I'd rather DIE than live there! Any place that looks like somewhere Bear Grylls or Survivorman might do a show at, NO THANKS!

90.3ºF!!!

It's fucking February!!!!!!!!! What the FUCK is this shit?!!!?!?!? Oh yeah, I forgot, global warming am be don't exist fake librul commie Islamo-fascist plot blah blah blah quack quack.

OH THIS IS FUCKING GREAT!!!!!

Canadian Arctic nearly loses entire ice shelf

In case you missed it, this is SOLID GOLD!!!!

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2011/08/08/al-gore-global-warming-rant_n_921721.html

TOASTY!

It's now 90.4°F!!! Oh and the heat index is 103°F!!! TO HELL WITH THAT SHIT!!!!!!

Update 12:48: 91.8 °F!!! Heat index 105!!!!!!

HEAT WAVE ALERT!

Warning my follow Floridians: the Sun is about to rise! RED ALERT! Avoid ALL unneeded exposure to the lethal radiation from now 'til 8pm!!

Welcome to Summer aka Shit Season!

It. Is. So. FUCKING. Hot. Outside!!! I mean, is this bullshit really necessary? I live in Florida, just got back from the beach to cool off; yeah that really worked out! 1 & 3/4 hours of surfing in waves that resemble tsunamis kinda tends to wear you out--but it was worth it, first time out of the house really since...since July?! Gawwwddddamn! Can you say CABIN FEVER??? Oh and I forgot until approx. 1/2 way through to put sunblock on my face...pass the aloe please. Anyways, this state had GOT have THE shittiest bipolar weather ever. Yesterday it was calm and somewhat cool at night. It stormed today & yesterday mid-days, despite the fact we’ve been in a horrible drought. So I wake up today and walk out the front door only to be slapped in the face with heat and humidity hotter than a Ft. Pierce crackpipe on payday!!!! Well, RIP everyones' good hair days until November. FEH! The only thing that sounds awesome right now is a quart of ice cream, a case of beer and for my next weekend to roll around. Fuck you Florida. Fuck you.

Hot enough fer ya?

FUCK DAMN IS IT HOT!!!!!!!!

THANK GAWD AND GEEZUS AND THE HOLY GOWOST THAT THERE AM BE IS NO GLOBAL WARMING! SIG HEIL Y'ALL!

Seriously, people who deny goddamn global warming, just take barbwire, wrap it around your fist, and punch yourself in the junk for an hour. Dildos! What the fuck people?! And ok, so the high is 46 (F) in Minneapolis. Just because it gets hotter MOST EVERYWHERE ELSE, BUT there are exception, as there always is in nature, MEANS YOU CAN FUCKING DENY REALITY?! You goddamn fucktards! But what can you expect from CONservatives who are as UN-natural AS YOU CAN GET!!!!!!!!!!!!

Here's the song for today, appropriately enough:
Nine Inch Nails: "Burn" (Live in West Palm Beach, May 8, 2009)

If I hear one more ASSHOLE...

...say "SEE! IT AM BE GOT DOWNS IN DA 20's IN FLORIDA! THERE AM BE NO GLOBAL WARMING!" I'm gonna probly have to slow-choke 'em!!!!!!!

Update: 24.8!

24.8 fucking °'s outside RIGHT NOW!
Y'all who decided to come to FloriDUH for your vacation to get OUT OF THE COLD...urm...
SMOOTH MOVE HUH EXLAX?!?!!?! HA HA!!!

26.6°!

Yes, it's fucking 26.6° degrees (FAHRENHEIT) here (FYI to get the ° degree symbol, hold down ALT & put in 0176) and I have a nice case of insomnia to go right with it!
I will wrap barbwire and punch in the face any dildohead who say "SEE! THAT AM BE PROOF THERE AM BE NO GLOBAL WARMINGS..."
It's called "push down/pop up"...not a new concept. And don't bleedin' make me explain GRAVITY and EVOLUTION too, alright?!
OH CONSERVATIVES, I WANT YOU ALL OUT THERE, TO STOP WHAT YOU'RE DOING, OPEN A WINDOW AND SAY THE FOLLOWING:
"I SUPPORT THE ACTUALLY ELECTED PRESIDENT, I SUPPORT THE LIBERAL PROGRESSIVE VALUES OF OPEN-MINDEDNESS CONVINCED BY PEOPLE WHO WERE FREETHINKING DEFACTO SATANISTS THAT BUILT AMERICA, I SUPPORT FREEDOM, EQUALITY & THE PURSUIT OF HAPPINESS FOR ALL PEOPLE OF PLANET EARTH, AND TO UPHOLD THE HEMP THAT THE CONSTITUTION WAS WRITTEN ON! SO HELP ME LORD SATAN, RULER OF THE WORLD!!!"