Pennsyltucky!

This is too good to not repost from myshitspace to here, originally published Saturday, July 14, 2007.

Side note: Another thing that PISSES ME THE FUCK OFF about the goddamn myspace blogs is it will often times cut off parts of your posts FOR NO REASON! I had to retool THIS post cuz for some reason it eliminated the word "document" in the very first sentence of this original post! Goddamn Tom The Dickwad Editor Sack Of Shit! My own shit could write better scripting for that shit site!!!!!!!!!!! Anyways, here's the damn post! Enjoy:

Pennsyltucky!
Current mood: rejuvenated
Category: Life

I've finally un-spun from zero back up to normal and it is now time to document one BAD ASS WEEK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Wed. July 4th, '07 (well obviously it's 2007, duh!):

Ok, I was just about to start this, WHEN FUCKING WINDOWS SHIT VISTA STARTS FUCKING UP *AGAIN*! DIE BILL GATES DIE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! TRY AGAIN:
Normally I'd be blowing up ant hills with illegal fireworks and for other "agricultural needs" (well, chasing away mosquitoes where I live IS a need!) but noper, I was on a train from Okeechobee, Floor-ree-DUH to Filthadelphia, Pennsyltucky! Why you ask!? Well, I'm IN DEMAND! No seriously, my friends are the FUCKING BEST. You guys/gals OWN! Whoever paid my ass's way, I LOVE YOU! I LOVE YOU! I LOVE YOU! I LOVE YOU!
Hey man, being on an Amtrak train for 30 hours STILL beats the piss out of spending one nanosecond in this shithole FloriDUH during SUMMER. I guess that Evelyn Woodchuck Speed-Reading tape helped, cuz I read ALL 205 pages (actually 209 if you count the 4 page intro by Mark Crispin Miller) of Thom Hartmann's ABSOLUTE MASTERPIECE "SCREWED: The Undeclared War On The Middle Class And What We Can Do About It"
..>..>

Currently Reading: Screwed: The Undeclared War Against the Middle Class -- And What We Can Do About It (BK Currents) By Thom Hartmann Release date: 01 September, 2006

and I will say this once again, not to be a pest, but PLEASE get a copy of it and READ IT! Amazing the Okeechobee library had it! And even more amazing is the Lake Placid library had another book by Thom "The Edison Gene" so props to them too! Anyways, on to July 5th!
One thing Amtrak does that drives me positively BATSHIT is they go from Okeechobee to Sebring (so far ok) then to Winter Haven (so far ok) then to Lakeland, then Tampa THEN BACK TO LAKELAND AND STOP THERE AGAIN! THEN BACK TO WINTER HAVEN AND STOP THERE AGAIN! And THEN on to Orlando!!!!!!!! What in the HELL!!!!!!!!!!!! Is there THAT many people demanding stops in Lakeland & Winter Haven?!?!!? Plus that shit of stopping in DC for half an hour so they can switch to or from diesel power I'll never know. I guess from DC on north they run on electric?! But damn man, being in the same town as the BU$Hitler Crime Family and all the foul putrid stench was almost totally overwhelming!!!!!!!!!!!! I hope you felt my demonic presence there you bastard Repukelicons! THE FIRES OF HELL *WILL* CONSUME YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Thr. July 5th:

I finally made it to Philly. And I was having FLASHBACKS to the last time I was there! At least my ex and I (is that proper grammar? Aw fuck it!) have buried the hatchet, and amazingly NOT into each other's skulls! The 30th Street Station is RIGHT THERE by the U Of Penn and that's where she went to school at the time! Ya know, something seems to keep attracting me to Pennsylvania and North Carolina...the hell did I DO in my past life/lives?!?!?! Anyways, I felt like refried SHIT cuz well have YOU ever tried to sleep on an Amtrak?! Trust me, bring a flask, fill it with JD or something and bring some sleeping pills! WHICH IS WHAT I SHOULD HAVE GODDAMN HAD THE CENTS TO DO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
So I get off (and off the train too!) walk up the step and well holy Macedon, my crew is there! Even if I didn't know what Patty & Steve looked like, and I didn't know what Ann & Lisa looked like, I knew it was them...when someone say "OH MY GOD! THERE'S LU!!!!!!!!!!!!" it's kinda a GIVEAWAY!!!!!!!!!!!
Man, that parking at that Philly train station SUCKS! Ok, then we're off to Sue's place. Never known anyone with a pet squirrel before! Surprisingly, I can tell they actually make a good pet! And oh DAMN that sucker's nails were SHARP! Too bad she couldn't have hung with the rest of us 5 psychos! :( NEXT TIME I HEAR BY COMMAND YOU TO! What the hell else did I do on the 5th? Oh com'on! Now is NOT the time for my CRS (Can't Remember Shit) to kick in!!!!!!! Oh yeah the FIREWORKS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! That was FUN!!!!!!!!!!! PA has some weirdass thing where the STATE runs their liquor stores, and Ms. Patty got me a 30 pack of Icehouse (How can you NOT love this woman! ADOPT ME PLEASE!) and that's the ONLY size they got! Talk about buying in BULK!!!!!!!!!!! Now down here, an 18 pack is like $14! Odd, the 30 pack up there was approx. 20 bucks. Florida, again, RIP OFF STATE!
And Patty, could you have POSSIBLY found a smaller tent for me?! Sometimes being 6 foot is a BITCH!!!!!!!! But luck me, I'm used to sleeping in the fetal position. No really, I do.

Fri. July 6th:

Went to Penn's Cave. This is beyond bad ass. Oh, all y'all 26%ers who think the earth is flat and 6,000 years old, well sorry, bubble-bursting time! PENN'S CAVE IS 36 MILLION YEARS OLD! Put THAT in your crackpipe and suck on it long and hard!!!!!!!!!!!!!! If you like Mammoth Cave in KENtucky, you'll like Penn's Cave. http://www.PennsCave.com

Sat. July 7th:

Went to Knoebels, a kick ass amusement park! Reminds me of King's Island which is in Ohio northeast of Cincy. Except that the rides at Knoebels did NOT make me feel like I was gonna puke! Of course, last time I was at King's Island, I was 5! Yeah, great idea, let a 5 year old on a rollercoaster called THE BEAST which has a mile long track!!!!!!! http://www.Knoebels.com
Oh Patty, thanks to the 2nd 30-pack of Icehouse. They came in handy when I got home, trust me! I really do need to invest in EAR-PLUGS.

Sun. July 8th:

Rode in a horse and buggy for my first time! Ya know, it's WAY easier than riding on an ELEPHANT! Yes, I rode an elephant once! Thank you Barnum Bailey! Speaking of horse and buggy, ya know how PA is Amish and Mennonites R Us? Well on the way back to Patty's house from Penn's Cave, one of them cut off me and Ann with approx. 100 feet to spare! REAL SMART! Now I have "AMISH PARADISE" by Weird Al stuck in my head!!!

Mon. July 9th:

*SNIFFLE* This was the day I had to leave early to catch me train back to Floor-ree-DUH. Man, pass the anti-depressants!

Tue. July 10th:

I got back to the Okeechobee station, and back to the usual BULLSHIT! Why my dad couldn't have waited to go to the fucking grocery store the next day, instead of AFTER I WAS ON A TRAIN FOR 30 HOURS WITH NO SLEEP goddamnit I will never know!!!!!!!!!!! Next time, I'll WALK HOME! 20 miles? NO PROBLEM! I'll just jack me a horse and buggy!!!!!!!!!!

I know I'm forgetting a bunch of shit, but hopefully myspace won't be shitty as it usually is and let me EDIT this when my CRS kicks off!
And in closing, my friends are the absolute BEST. Fuck with them and trust me, you will not like when the Lu Cifer Karma Train 666 rolls over your ass faster than a Japanese commuter train! Or I could be really sadistic and go slowly, like say AMTRAK!!!!!!!!!!!

Currently reading : Screwed: The Undeclared War Against the Middle Class -- And What We Can Do About It (BK Currents) By Thom Hartmann Release date: 01 September, 2006