Sunday, June 10, 2012

This is a true story

My great great grandfather Chief Blackwater (his nickname was Long Dong Buffalo, but that's another long story) went from town to town and stopped in Reno when it was just an upstart shanty town. With his shotgun is slung under his left arm, and with both hands he's lugging a bag with 5 dead cats and a bucket of horseshit, he spies the first bar right at the edge of town. Naturally the music stops and so does everyone inside upon his entrance to Joe McGillicuty's Saloon since even by Reno's standards, this is quite the sight! But all are in good spirits, so a skant few seconds pass when the piano player starts the song again and people go back to their conversations. Chief Blackwater makes a b-line for the bartender, places his shotgun, bucket of shit and bag of dead cats on the bar, and Joe McGillicuty says to him "What'll it be Chief?" "Me want 2 shots of whiskey, 2 beers and 2 shots of scotch." The bartender complies to find a 100 bill in his hand. "Urm, uh, well uh, you just need anything else, like hookers or whatever, you just let me know ok!" "I will." After a few minutes of increasing his BAL to 0.1, he gets a dead cat from the bag and starts eating it. The patrons of course are oddballed out to say the least, but they figure eh he ain't harming nothing, maybe it's an Indian thing?! Then he out of nowhere BLASTS the bucket of horseshit with his shotgun!!!!! Once the dust cleared the bartender freaks out and yell "WHAT THE FUCK! YOU COULD HAVE KILLED SOMEONE! YOU'RE LUCKY YOU DIDN'T DAMAGE ALL THAT MUCH, WHAT THE FUCK WERE YOU THINKING BLACKWATER?!?!?!" "Sorry Joe, I didn't know if would cause so much trouble, all I wanted to do was do like the white man." "WHAT?!" "Yeah, you know, go out, spend money, go get drunk, eat pussy, shoot the shit."

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