Artices to brighten your shitty day!

OLYMPIC COMMITTEE AGREES TO INTERNET BLOCKING AT GAMES

Sig Heil Y'all. FUCK CHINA!!!

BAGGAGE DEBACLE ENTERS 2ND DAY AT JFK

Reason 948,666 to NOT fly.

SHELL REPORTS 33% RISE IN EARNINGS

BURN IN HELLFIRE, COCKSUCKERS!!!!!

EXXON MOBILE PROFIT RISES 14%

PLENTY OF ROOM NEXT TO THE SHELL ASSHOLES FOR Y'ALL!!!!! HEY SATAN, I NEED SOME MORE FRESHLY SHARPENED PITCHFORKS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

HEATING OIL CUSTOMERS FACE DIFFICULT CHOICES

No shit! Either A) do we EAT this week or B) do we fucking FREEZE TO DEATH this week?! Nevertheless, 45% of Americans are SHITHEADS and will vote for McKKKain, despite 27 YEARS of FAILED rePUKEliKKKan policies THAT HAVE FUCKED THEM IN THE ASS!!!

TEXTERS HURT AS THEY WALK, RIDE, COOK

HA HA! Who the FUCK cooks while texting someone with their goddamn cell phone?!?!?! I'm serious, unless you got something GOOD going on (ie. setting up a hot date, drug deal, a tip on the racehorses, etc.) THEN WHAT IN THE HELL ARE YOU DOING TEXTING WHEN YOU SHOULD BE FOCUSED ON NOT BURNING YOURSELF!!!?!?!?!?!?!?!?

MCCAIN EXTENDS OLIVE BRANCH TO PELOSI, GORE

Blow it out your stale crusty ass McInsane!!! You too Ms. Nancy IMPEACHMENT IS OFF THE TABLE Pelosi SACK OF SHIT FAKE DEMOCRAT!!!!!!! How the FUCK did that bitch get elected from SAN FRANCISCO!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!

UPDATE:BODY OF 61 YEAR OLD WOMAN FOUND IN AIRPLANE BATHROOM

Reason 948,667 to NOT fly.

OLMERT TO RESIGN

So that Netenyaaaahu (sic!) can jump in and NUKE IRAN! Oh hip hop hurray!

HOUSE COMMITTEE VOTES TO HOLD ROVE IN CONTEMPT

FINALLY! SOME GOOD FUCKING NEWS!!! Send that fat fuck to GitMo already!!!!!

AIRPORT SCREENING FOR PSYCHOLOGICAL DISTRESS

After WASTING all the freakin time ya do dealing with bullshit that is airport "security" (hahaha, don't make me LAUGH), who the fuck WOULDN'T need screening for psychological distress?!?!?! What moronic asinine shit. 9/11 WAS A GODDAMN INSIDE JOB. But don't wear a t-shirt that says that at an airport since we don't have FREEDOM OF SPEECH anymore in the good ol' USA...sickening.

ICE SHEET BREAKS LOOSE OFF CANADA

Further "proof" that there's no global warming!!! Oh and don't forget, evolution is JUST a THEORY...*sarcasm OFF!*