Monday, July 6, 2009

Today's HEADLINES FROM HELL!!!

PLEASE NOTE: THIS EDITION IS 100% MICHAEL JACKSON FREE!!!

Suppressed Cocaine Study Leake

This CONCLUSIVELY PROVES the "War On (some) Drugs" is nothing more than TOTAL FUCKING BULLSHIT. GODDAMN whoever suppressed this study...motherfuckers.

Bankruptcies Higher in States That Seize Wages

From the NO SHIT SHERLOCK file.

Serial Killer Slays 5 in South Carolina

WHAT?! NO FLORIDA CONNECTION????!?!?

KBR Burned Toxic Waste at U.S. Bases

Cocksuckers. Gee, like THIS should surprise ANYBODY...well, people who ARE NOT Fux Nukes automatrons!

Passenger Fixes Faulty Airliner

Just goes to show the fucking airlines ARE NOT fixing shit THEMSELVES!!!

Fake Hookers Kill Midget Wrestlers

Where do I even START with this one?!?!?!

Honor Our Hemp-Raising Patriot Heroes

Don't worry, I DO! Somebody PLEASE tell me WHO actually said "If you do not grow hemp, you are a BAD American" or words to that affect. Not sure if it was Jefferson, Franklin, or WHO!

Vietnam War Planner Robert McNamara Dies

B-O-O H-O-O. Good. Another mass murderer croaked. And just how well did all that PLANNING for the "War" (should be called what it really was: OCCUPATION...sound familiar?!) GO?! 50,000+ US SOLDIERS DEAD. 1 MILLION+ DEAD IN SOUTHEAST ASIA. Yeah, great fucking planing...asshole.

Marion Barry Arrested for Stalking

This jackass sure doesn't know when to quit now does he?!?!?!

Palin's Lawyer Threatens to Sue Blogger

OH GO FUCKING BLOW IT OUT YOUR ASS BITCH!!! Let's try this ONE MORE GODDAMN TIME:
THE FIRST AMENDMENT.
Look the fuck INTO IT!!!

Report: Saudis Give Nod to Israel Strike on Iran

Further proof that Israel's government is INSANE. Yeah, great idea, get in bed with the fucking Saudis! GOT ANY OTHER BRIGHT IDEARS?!?!?!

Collins: Palin Quit Because She's Not a Quitter

BWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHAFUCKINGHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!! Just the HEADLINE has me almost pissing my pants!!! Contradiction, it is ye middle name!

SHANNYN MOORE RULES!!! PSYCHO PALIN THREATENS TO SUE HER!!!

Oh man, as if we need MORE proof that Sarah Palin is smoking SOMETHING and it's NOT good shit!!! Yeah go right the fuck ahead and sue Shannyn...GIVE HER SOME FREE PRESS YOU MORON! AND WHILE YOU'RE AT IT, SUE ME TOO BITCH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I FUCKING DARE YOU, HO FROM WASILA!!!

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