Today's HEADLINES FROM HELL!!!

Panetta: CIA Lied to Congress

And just how long did it take fer ya to figure THIS out?!

Bull Kills Man in Pamplona Bull Run

Good! Nature wins again! What a RETARDED tradition. GIVE IT UP ALREADY SPAIN!

Stalking Charges Against Barry Dropped

Ah, so I see he smoked his way out of this one, so to speak!

Greenpeace Hangs Banner on Mount Rushmore

Nevermind, why the fuck do I always confuse PETA with Greenpeace?! I 'm sorry! Hang your banner away! Hang 30 for all I care! Fuku Peta! Where's my steak?

Philly Swim Club Turns Away Black Kids

So much for the South having the monopoly on being shitheads.

Worker Dies from Fall into Chocolate Vat

Oh shit, straight out of Willie Wonka huh?

North Korea Discovers Beer

WELL GOOD NOW MAYBE THEY AM BE WILL STOP IS BEING TERRAISTS!

350 Dogs Seized in Five-State Dogfighting Raid

Gods I am so sick of stories like this, what is wrong with people?! Can't you fucktards get a REAL hobby?